12 years, 2 months and 20 days have passed. 4464 days to be exact and I think I got used to being on my own. I moved on, made brilliant decisions and absolute horrible ones. Lost and gained more loved ones. I moved country three times and I’m about to do it again.

I’ve seen the boys grow up to be tall, dark and handsome young black men; move out and start living their own lives. I’ve seen the girls grow up into gorgeous young ladies who have their whole lives in front of them. I’ve become a grandmother and learned to enjoy life as it is.

I’ve gained and lost weight (and gained it again lol). I went from being an active young woman to one who is being “out-walked” by the once so tiny girls! Your shirts have gone from the boys to the girls and from being dresses on the girls tiny bodies to “normal sized” t-shirts with a “Daddy – memory” to them.

Every year that passes by I see our 3rd look more and more like you. Her ways, looks, jokes, facial expressions and even her handwriting has you written all over. She excels in Maths, Science, Engineering and football. She makes me so proud when I see her powerfully forcing the ball from midfield all the way to the other side to score a goal, completely disregarding her opponents.

Our 4th keeps reminding me of your sister and our niece. Her voice, her wit, her jokes and extremely cute dimples are a definite signature feature. She excels in everything artistic and makes me so proud when seeing her in musical plays and dance performances. She has a passion for civil rights and law, and her talent for body art and drawing black art is simply outstanding.

Our 1st has become a successful salesman and with his long locs, glasses, suit and tie he warms my heart every time I see him. He makes me proud to be his mum.

Our 2nd is doing so well and even though I don’t see him a lot, he makes me proud just knowing his goal is to be the first in our family to start university and he’s well on his way!

You’re missing out big time but I rest in the thought that you must be able to have an even better view of us all from where you are. I need you to know that I miss you every day… Those days that you played with your salsa band in huge halls and your solo was just for me. The days on family holidays. The laughter and even the arguments (even though I don’t mind not having those anymore lol).

I wonder if we ever meet again, but until then… I thank you for my children and the memories I’ve got.

4/9/1971 – 26/5/2005

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